1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
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I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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