My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
no you cant smoke seaweed
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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