and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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