I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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