Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
