You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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