You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Houston, we have a squirter
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
