don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
