she looked like the bat from fern gully.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
