Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
