the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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