I have demons in me.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
