why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize