Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Are my feet made of real feet?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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