the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
