I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize