I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
