Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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