Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
