i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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