she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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