Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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