At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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