i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
