I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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