Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
