I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
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