If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
