so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was confusing and full of hummus
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
