TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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