Kareoke will never be a sober sport
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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