Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The air was thick with penises
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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