and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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