im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
3 2 1 whiskey
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
