One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
