Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
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