suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.