suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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