Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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