sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
