I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
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I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
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for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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