i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize