i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too