Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
