You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
