so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
