when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
