You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize