Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
