I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
