o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
The best revenge is premature balding
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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