Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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