Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
