how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
