I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish my penis had a tongue
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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