These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
