it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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