Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
