meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
