I didn't shave. On purpose
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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