So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
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I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
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Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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