I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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