My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
