Apparently you make a good broom.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
