This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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