end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Never underestimate the power of titties
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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