I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
