apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
