I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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