Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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