I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
