im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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