Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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