I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
