We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
