There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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