Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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