the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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