I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
