um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
