I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
