Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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